Hello.
Welcome to my page. This site will eventually be a forum for women to discuss, or just tell their stories, about their physical/mental/spiritual journey as women. For now, it will be my blog as I take this adventure of actually walking the 60 miles for the 3 Day Relay in Philadelphia on October 17-19, 2008.
I should let you know why I am doing this site. I made a deal with God. Yup, me, the failed Catholic. The journey started 2 1/2 years ago with my one sister's diagnosis of breast cancer. Until then, my family of seven had no real life-threatening illnesses (ok, I hear you C. and K. - a blood disease and a ruptured spleen - but you're ok now, right?). We have among my original family, 5 girls, 2 boys, 8 daughters (nieces), 2 sons (nephews), and 3 grandsons (grandnephews). Amongst all that there were so few illnesses, we felt truly blessed. Then 2 1/2 years ago I got the call from my 3rd oldest sister, K., she had breast cancer. To make a long story much shorter, another sister, my mother, and myself were all diagnosed with breast cancer within 6 months. How fun.
All four of us have been thru various treatments to much success. Then I was told this past fall that I could have ovarian cancer. I went thru much more soul searching on this diagnosis than I did with the breast cancer. As of now, I am cancer-free. But I made a deal with God that IF I was clear of ovarian cancer, I would do something about it.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had no problem finding forums, information, and publications to help me get decide my treatment. However, when I was faced with ovarian cancer, the situation was much different. There was practically nothing online to help me with my questions. And my favorite (!) line from a leading ovarian cancer doctor (in reference to my questions on quality of life after ovary removal) was "at least you won't be dead". Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, that led me to want to start a site to have women tell FRANKLY what happens with these wonderful procedures they have us do to save our lives. Which is how this site got started.
Now flash forward to about 2 months ago. I hear about the 3 Day walk in Philly. And despite my dislike of the color pink and all the pink blenders, pink socks, and pink vacumn cleaners, I feel the need to do it. So here goes.
Day One - March 22, 2008
A great friend of mine, Gail, has decided to do the walk with me. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to have her walking with me. I treasure her friendship and love that we can spend time together. But mostly I love the fact that we can get healthy together. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was in pretty good physical shape (as my regular doctor said "aside from the cancer, you are the picture of health"). I had recently lost 30lbs and was doing well. From the minute of my diagnosis to now, I ate. I figured, I may not live much longer, who cares??? I ate anything my little heart desired and was a sloth. I gained those 30 back and another 5 to go with it. I gained thru surgery and radiation (didn't have chemo as it had not spread to my lymph nodes). So here I am a floppy mess and I am going to walk 60 miles???? Gail goes to the orientation meeting with me in West Chester. Inspiring to say the least and well run. Lots of questions answered, we are excited and ready to go. We discuss possible times/places to get together and walk.
Day Seven - March 29, 2008
Where did the week go? I forgot to email Gail to set up times to walk. I totally forgot to walk. It was cold and rainy and I was busy. Totally missed the warm-up walk/equipment purchase date in West Chester.
Day 10 - April 1, 2008
I am tired. Its yucky out. What the hell was I thinking??? I can't do this. I don't even want to. I want to sit on my comfy couch and watch tv and eat what I want. I could die any day from a car crash; they could tell me the cancer is back and worse. Forget it... Three hours later, I get off my mushy butt and hit the treadmill. They tell us if we can get to and sustain 3mph we are set to go. I can do 2mph for 30 minutes. I consider this a great triumph. I still go upstairs and eat Easter candy to celebrate.
Day 11 - April 2, 2008
My son spent night on the floor of the hall with all the lights on. He had heartburn (couldn't be from the 2 Taco Bell bean burritos he swallowed whole, oh no). I can't sleep as I keep checking on him for heart attacks (I'm a neurotic mom, ok?). With all this, I walk again. Still eating Easter candy. Realize I need good shoes to do this for real. My feet don't hurt yet but I can tell they will. I do 30 minutes at 2.2mph. So far so good. Contact Gail to set up walking time for this Friday.
Day 12 - April 3, 2008
Was supposed to go to mother's to plant pansies to cheer her up. She is 83 years old, and my parents just had a house fire about 45 days ago. She needs some flowers to make her feel better. Daughter wakes up at 3am to sit in the bathroom for 1 1/2hours. She is sick and will stay home...in bed, no tv. I still get myself to walk. Nothing much else gets done but I walk.
Day 13 - April 4, 2008
I start this site and will email everyone on my list to get donations. PLEASE donate. The way it is set up, I have to pledge $2,200 NO MATTER WHAT. In other words, if you don't donate, I have to pay that amount. This scares me as much as the walk. The presenter said to say this "it may be money to you but I am walking 60 miles." Does the guilt factor help any???? To tell the truth I am walking for many reasons. Selfishly, the first is to get into shape. Second I walk in honor of my sisters and my mother. I walk for my daughter and nieces so they won't have to go thru what we have. And last but not least for all those brave women who went before me on this journey of breast cancer. Every time I had to endure some treatment I would think of, and thank, those women who did this all before me. Those that were the guinea pigs of research. Those that allowed me to live. For me, for my family, and for those brave women, I walk.
Day 14 -April 5, 2008
After spending most of the afternoon in a riding lesson at Horse Power for Life (an amazing non-profit group that is giving free riding lessons to cancer victims) with my daughter, I thought I was done for the day. I called Gail at 3pm and was blessed with her company and a beautiful afternoon to walk in. She showed me a new trail to try that was awesome and we actually did 4 miles in under 2 hours. Needless to say her heated car seats were pretty nice after that. I was so glad we could get out in such beautiful weather when nothing but rain was predicted. I am guessing this is how the training in going to go, by the seat of my pants. Everytime I plan, something else happens. So I have to grab whatever opportunity arrives.
Day 15 - April 6, 2008
And again, rain was predicted and I got my walk done in an unexpected way. I went orienteering with my daughter's girl scout troop in a local park. 90 minutes of walking up and down some hills and I figure I did my time for the day. In hiking boots no less. The hardest thing about all this is just finding the time to actually do it. The motivation is there, just finding time to squeeze in something for me between work, housework (ok lame excuse for those that know me!), taking care of my parents, and taking care of my own family. Add in the repeated visits to the doctor for my health and there isn't much left. Still I will find a way.
Day 16, 17, 18 - April 7, 8, 9
I need moleskin for my thighs. Honestly, if God really wanted us to walk this much, he would have made us bowlegged. Ok, so I walked on the treadmill for 30min on Monday (thanks Julie!), Tuesday I didn't. Before you start boo-ing, realize I had to take my father into the doctor and we had a girl scout meeting. SO I skipped one day. Today I did 30min on the treadmill again even though its gorgeous out. Thanks Julie again. I found if I talk on the phone while walking I am much more likely to do the walking. Guess I could check out the cell phone and actually walk outside. Course it would ruin the lovely pallor my skin has.....
Days 19 thru 25 - April 10 thru 16
Ok a previous walker Allison clued me into something called Body Glide that is supposed to be awesome for skin issues. She said to just rub it all over my feet before putting on socks and it works great. Have to go get some. Thanks Allison. Allison also is keeping me in touch with her walking progress - so much more than mine!! And she has an infant/toddler to deal with. So impressed. I am still walking though I skipped a few days. A depression came over me and I am not sure why. Unlike most people I most definetly don't get the "endorphine" high from exercise. Just never happens. I am guessing that this depression is welling up from the last three years of ugliness. Dealing with my sisters' breast cancer, my cancer, and my mother's cancer is overwhelming sometimes. As a typical german, I push emotions aside and just deal with what needs to be done. The ovarian stuff really gets me. They are still testing me for that, though I don't think I have it. Had to schedule yet another test for it in June. I guess the worst part is as soon as you think you are done with cancer and ready to move on with life, another test comes along or complication and you get thrown back into the pit. Its hard to figure out how to live with cancer. You never get back to normal. So I missed a few days, but by Sunday I was walking again with my friend Gail. She is doing awesome and it is so nice to spend time with her. We go for tea/coffee afterwards and that is a real treat. I started walking outside on the hills around home and that is a whole other exercise. Hoping to start in May doing back-to-back 5 mile walks on the weekends, then in June try for 10 mile back to back walks. Onward and upward. Wanted to thank those that have donated so far. I SOOOO appreciate it. It means money for research and, to me, it means they believe I can do this! So thanks to Carl, Julie, Deb, Theresa, Bucks Digital Printing, Charles Bartholomew, Sara (walking herself for MS), Carol, and mostly Jaime!!!! Couldn't do it without you James!